


Festive Rigour

by Ononymous



Series: Christmas 2018 Stories and Requests [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Pre-Undertale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 07:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: It's a conversation that's come up time and again, across friends and family, years and generations. Always dancing around the truth, but never finding it. After all, nobody ever saw him in two places at once, right? So how can it be?





	Festive Rigour

**Author's Note:**

> Original request: The post-TP Undertale crew trying to figure out how it's possible for Santa to exist both in the Underground and the surface

"Hey Chara."

"Yes, Asriel?"

"I got more Kris-mas stuff from Waterfall, see?"

"Oh. That's nice. I'm surprised how good a condition it's in."

"Yeah, we can totally ask Mom and Dad if we can use some of these as Gyftmas decorations! But, um, there's something I don't get."

"What's that?"

"That guy in the red. What's his name?"

"Him? That's Santa Claus?"

"Santa-?! No way, that's not Santa."

"What?"

"Santa's a monster!"

"...really?"

"Yeah! Hang on, lemme show you..."

"Wait..."

"Okay, I'm back. Look at this. See him? _That_ 's Santa! They're right about him having a beard, but it's the wrong colour."

"Huh. He looks familiar."

"You think so? I don't see it. But yeah, that's what Santa looks like."

"I don't understand though. Humans and Monsters both have Santa Claus? Why is that?"

"Wait Chara, I think I know!"

"Do you, Asriel?"

"I know you said magic isn't very common among humans anymore, but is human Santa Claus still magical?"

"Well he's supposed to visit every child in the world in one night, so probably."

"Ah-ha! He must be able to change shape! Going back and forth between human and monster so nobody gets scared!"

"Hmm. That actually makes sense. Good thinking."

"Hee hee hee, thanks! I can't wait to tell Dad about this."

"He must have more power than I thought."

"Huh? What makes you think that?"

"How else could he come back and forth through the barrier if he didn't have a powerful soul?"

"Hey, you're right. But he mustn't be strong enough to break the barrier. Aw shucks, that's a shame. Oh well, the toys are cool enough!"

"Yeah, that must be it. What else could it be?"

* * *

"a shortcut."

"WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, SANS?"

"'an alternative route that is shorter than the one usually taken'."

"I KNOW WHAT A SHORTCUT IS, SANS! BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH SANTA CLAUS?"

"he must use 'em, right? i mean, in the underground you could maybe cover all that in a night, but the whole planet? get outta here with that joke, you _sleigh_ me."

"BUT ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE MAGICAL? WOULDN'T THAT EXPLAIN IT?"

"yeah, well, not nearly enough."

"WHY?"

"see, some magic can make ya faster or something. but you're talkin' like a serious fraction of light speed to cover everything, and no magic i've seen could get even close."

"WELL MAYBE HIS MAGIC WORKS A DIFFERENT WAY. MAYBE HE CAN TURN BACK TIME AND DO CERTAIN PARTS OF THE EVENING REPEATEDLY."

"spacetime don't work that way, papyrus."

"ARE YOU SURE?"

"positive."

"WELL WHAT ABOUT TELEPORTATION?"

"magic can't do that either."

"POPPYCOCK, SANS! YOU'RE ABLE TO TURN UP AT GRILLBYS PRETTY QUICKLY WHEN MOTIVATED. YOU MUST BE TELEPORTING."

"that ain't magic though. that's a shortcut."

"WELL HOW DO YOUR SHORTCUTS WORK?"

"not-magic."

"STOP BEING SO OBTUSE! WHY ARE YOU SO CERTAIN HE MUST BE USING THEM ANYWAY WHEN HE ALREADY CAN SHAPESHIFT?"

"ain't so sure about that either. but anyways, a shortcut's not-magical nature could be used to bypass the barrier. reckon that's how he does it."

"WELL HAVE YOU EVER FOUND HIS HOLLY JOLLY SHORTCUT?"

"nope. we tried for ages."

"THEN YOUR THEORY IS BUNK, SANS! NOW, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR FOR THIS COSTUME PARTY?"

* * *

"A really cool red and green breastplate with a firey reindeer on it!"

"Are y-you sure, Undyne? I've never h-heard of him wearing anything like that."

"Gotta be, doc. It's all part of his plan, isn't it?"

"What plan?"

"Well I was thinking about a few things that don't really add up. Why does the monster Santa kinda look like Asgore? An' why does Asgore all but disappear when Santa's doing his thing? I think I know."

"Y-you do?!"

"Yeah... Santa's helping Asgore plan the war against the humans!"

"G-gosh, you think so?"

"Makes sense to me. Look, he buddies up to the humans, lures them all into a false sense of security. And all the while he's gathering intelligence on what they're up to, so we'll strike at the perfect moment! Those cameras you rigged up? I bet Santa plants some like that in the toys given to powerful human families, and then he and Asgore review what they learn. And once we get the final soul, his true allegiance will be revealed at last!"

"Wow, that's p-pretty sneaky. B-but then why does he bother to give monster kids t-toys as well?"

"Hmm, good point. I guess we make a good practice run? Oh yeah, and if monsters aren't aware of his true purpose, then there's less chance of the truth leaking out, an' the humans are none the wiser!"

"Maybe, b-but how would the humans ever learn about us unless Santa tells them himself?"

"Better safe than sorry, Alphys. Though now you mention it, I guess the barrier's kinda helpful to avoid intelligence leaks, huh?"

"Yes. And also a p-problem."

"What kind of problem?"

"Well, according to our data, you n-need power equalling r-roughly 1.05 human souls to pass through the b-barrier unimpeded."

"Well yeah. But we already know Santa must be pretty damn powerful if he can disguise himself as a human."

"B-but that wouldn't be powerful enough."

"Why not?"

* * *

"Because shapeshifting requires way more power than I thought."

"What do you mean, my child?"

"Look, Mom. When I was... when I was that flower, it took the power of seven human souls to let me turn into, well me. Golly, if Frisk hadn't found a better way..."

"You're welcome, Asriel."

"Yeah Frisk, thanks. And that was just with the physical matter of a flower. I think you don't need that much if it's just turning from one kind of monster into another, but a human turning into a monster and back? All that physical matter? You'd probably need thousands of human souls to manage that."

"Well, erm, perhaps Santa Claus is just that powerful?"

"Then why did he never break the barrier directly for us? Didn't Dad always say we shouldn't ask him to do that, because while he was strong he wasn't that strong?"

"Oh. Yes. That would be a contradiction in the theory, would it not? Hmm."

"Exactly. So how can there be a Santa that looks both like a human and a monster, and can cross the barrier like it's not there, and deliver all the presents in one night? It doesn't add up! I wanna figure this out for... for Chara, if nobody else."

"Oh, my child... alright. It is time you learned the truth."

* * *

"Yes, Toriel, I shall explain everything to him."

"So what's happening, Dad? Why does Santa make no sense?"

"He does, but only if you know everything about him. And there's one fact you're not aware of."

"What's that."

"That the human incarnation of Santa... does not exist."

"What?!"

"It is true, Frisk. Santa, he is just... a monster. A boss monster like us."

"Then where does the guy on this Christmas Card come from?"

"From magic."

"But you can't shapeshift without enough power to break the barrier!"

"Yes. But illusions to appear human are much simpler."

"Illusions-? Ohhhhh..."

"Yes, now you understand. As for the barrier: Long ago he tapped into a source of magic that would allow him to match the power of a human. But it relies on having a pure heart. If he ever embraced a kill or be killed attitude, he would lose that power, and be vulnerable to attack. He would have been unable to take any other souls even if he wanted to. So he made a vow to never be naughty, and always be nice, and that one day his kindness to human children would help build a future between humans and monsters. And now we have that, he continues his quest to preserve the peace."

"Golly, he's even more awesome than I thought! But why doesn't everyone know this?"

"He confided his secrets to me once, long ago, and I swore to keep them under wraps. But you've been through so much, I figure he shall understand that I share it with you. You'll keep it secret, yes?"

"Definitely!"

"That's my son. Come here. Frisk, you too. Mmm. Okay, are you going to write your letters to him?"

"Yeah! Let's go Frisk!"

"...quite the story, Dreemurr."

"To be honest, I'm surprised nobody asked me sooner. I suppose his perspective gave him more reason to doubt than usual."

"Perhaps the time shall come to tell him everything?"

"About Santa?"

"And... about us, Gorey."

"Well, that's your call, dear. But, heh heh, if you'd like to make extra sure..."

"Hee hee hee, maybe I-"

"Oh, my phone. Hold on... Oh gosh, Tori, it's him!"

"Him?! I... I shall leave you alone."

"Thanks. Okay, green button... This is Agent Regal Slumber, responding to HQ at Nicea-One. Hello, sir."

"They're talking about you and me again, Asgore."

"Well yes, they are, but I smoothed it over..."

"You know how I know?"

"No."

"I found a stray hair in my beard, Dreemurr. A blond hair."

"Oh. Well golly, most humans would be happy about that, sir-"

"I'm serious! If they start conflating me with you in your pyjamas any more, I'll have to get my house rebuilt because I'm a foot taller, and I just got a jacuzzi installed for Mrs Claus. Also, did you know I used to hate tea?"

"Oh, did you?"

"Well now I find it tolerable."

"Ah."

"Yeah, ah. Look, Asgore, I know that despite everything you're not a bad guy, I could never stop those details seeping into my head, but I just got comfortable with the weight. I'm not ready for fur. Nothing personal, but I need you to fix this."

"Yes, sir. Toriel shall help me craft a better cover story. Oh, and good luck next week."

"Likewise. Over and out. Golly, managing your public perception is really hard- Did I say golly?!"

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
